He was home for the weekend for the first time this past weekend.
It was incredible.
He got to be around for Ellie's birthday for the first time, ever.
It was an amazing moment filled with love, hope, joy and PEACE!
We got to sit in the circle at church and share in the victories and defeats of this past few months. It was delightful to be there as a family. It was heavenly.
Looking over this past year, it is amazing that I am so filled with hope and joy!
We have been fighting this addiction in the trenches for a whole two years...
Last January, Caleb was in one rehab, kicked out, February he was in another, then March saw him sent home again and what a change had come over his spirit!!
April William got so incredibly sick that we almost lost him, and Caleb relapsed hard...and disappeared.
May we had lost Caleb to drugs and I thought it was for good...
June brought the shot that I knew was just a bandaid on a gaping wound...
July and August were separation and divorce realities I never thought we would experience.
September brought the olive branch of one last offer: rehab or it's over...
Seven days from divorce, Caleb chose rehab...
October brought a call to counseling, to be realized some day and with it peace and hope for a future.
October also brought rehab and Caleb's commitment to the process of "making it" to clean.
November brought a huge heart change in Caleb that I have never seen before. And a struggle in my heart forcing me to admit my own sin issues and fall on my face in humility before God. And then, a huge move in with my inlaws and a new-renewed understanding of their personhood.
December brought family time and more growth for the two of us... And gratitude, so. Much. Gratitude.
January is here now. That year is over. The arch of deepest pain to redeemed hope and relationships that happened in 2014 (numerous times) ended with a learned gratitude toward God that I have never known.
He is good,
He is kind,
His love is so much more than I ever knew or understood and I have just begun to understand it!
I am excited about 2015.
Yes, there will be our very real separation, but it will be punctuated with the best visits and family times we have ever had, because Caleb will be clean and sober.
Yes, the finances are a huge mess and the house has not yet sold...
But God has not left my side.
He will make a way to proceed in righteousness and in His perfect timing, the house will sell.
I am grateful that the path of life is moving out of "focus on the addiction mess" and into "focus on the goodness of God". God is so merciful and good, and I am grateful.
So incredibly grateful.
This is only the beginning of the next season, only the beginning of the new year. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gifts!
Happy New Year.
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