Everything that I was hoping to make at a garage sale, but didn't... I have now been gifted by a complete stranger! I don't know where the gifter found my story, but $300 was deposited in my paypal account! The note said simply, "God bless you for the sacrifices you've made to be a full-time mother. I will pray for your situation."
I am humbled, speachless, and more keenly aware than ever of the vast power of the Mighty God we serve. Caleb's truck sold and I wrote a tithe check on Sunday for the tithe on the truck and the amount that came in from the garage sale... I will admit, writing that tithe check was a bit of a battle. "But this is all I have, for the year. This is my guaranteed money, it is here, nothing else is working out! Once this is gone, I have nothing... Surely God wants me to save this tithe for my children for the year... So that we make it 11 more months... To make sure we don't have to go asking people for money, I mean, either God provides it now or later... Why not just hold on to it..." It was a battle in my head. But I wrote the check. It was so hard. It shouldn't have been so hard to give that 10%.
The rest of Sunday I spent agonizing over the numbers. I wrote them out for my mom... She said, "well, looks like something only God can work out."
Monday I plotted and planned... But that was the last blog post, you read it. You don't need to read it again here!
So, after I blogged last night, I checked Facebook. There was a message that I had somehow missed from a stranger. Simply offering support. At first I was a bit rude, I mean, I always default to something being a scam... But it was just someone moved to help from far away. They said, "paypal is easy and essentially anonymous." And the amount of the gift, I stand in awe at the generosity and just...
My list of miracles grows by the day, how can I get so discouraged and distraught?!
If God had delivered Caleb safely to rehab, and not given me a hope-filled calling to counseling, Dayenu, it would have been enough.
If He had given me the hope-filled calling to counseling and not provided nearly $900 for school savings (in one week), Dayenu, it would have been enough.
If He had provided money, encouragement, support for my calling, but not brought Caleb to a place of new-Spirit-birth, Dayenu, it would have been enough.
If He had brought Caleb's broken spirit back to life, but not sold the truck the day before the due date came (for many of the bills, sitting on the piano, that I had laid hands on and prayed over because I didn't have the money to pay them all), Dayenu, it would have been enough.
If He had provided money, at the last minute, for the pile of bills, but not provided Christmas-present-purchasers for the children, Dayenu, it truly would have been enough.
If He had provided (a Christmas tree) and presents for the children, but not given anything else via a kindhearted stranger, Dayenu, it would have been enough.
If He had provided a financial gift, but not also provided a gift of heavenly music to calm and soothe my spirit, Dayenu, it would have been enough.
God has met every need. Needs I hadn't even voiced yet, like "where will we stay on Caleb's 8 hour visitation day (when the visit starts at 1pm)..." A thought I was thinking yesterday, and today got a call about someone who lives near to where he is and would like to offer their home if we need it for anything!!
Oh to simply mediate on Dayenu, on those days when the father of lies is feeding me full of worry and fear.... Oh to look at that huge list I made, that doesn't even begin to cover all the miracles that have happened, just in this past month alone!!
A conference about Loss right before rehab...
A community that rose up and bought a bunch of unneeded furniture on the "Facebook sale." Guidance when I am rushing things or possibly missteping. Women of faith to have adult conversations with when my heart is lonely and my spirit is parched. All of its, and so much more. I am so grateful. Beyond humbled. And repent of my lack of faith, my lack of trust, and my worry.
He who started a good work will be faithful to complete it.
Is faithful.
I do not want to forget. Dayenu.
I've never wanted a tattoo... But Dayenu... I want to remember, every day, all He has already done would already be enough... But his mercies are new every morning.
Behold, He is making all things new.
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