A New Normal

There is a box at the top of my screen indicating that I can choose a "normal" font.
Normal.
Say normal out loud twenty times... That is about as coherent as my normal is...
Caleb was delivered safely to Teen Challenge. In fact, the next day, I dropped off one of his friends to his own rehab, The Refuge, as well. I am now a skilled rehab transit service...
In other news,
The day before Caleb went in, we signed with a realtor to sell our house.
A realtor who knows Caleb's story and has a pain of his own. We talked for a while.
Our house will be listed soon, the realtor is taking pictures tomorrow evening.
I spent today working over there, cleaning, shining, vacuuming a few stray spider webs... And praying praying praying.  It will take exactly the right person to want that house.
I know God is big enough to bring them along, if that is His will.
I will be cleaning over there again tomorrow, there is still plenty to be done before the pictures in the evening... Pray I will have strength and stamina and the children will be happy coloring and playing quietly. I already know that E will want me to hold her all day.  But I just can't and so she holds my legs and we limp along cleaning and scrubbing and prepping the house in case someone wants to look at it.
There is great sadness that Daddy is gone again for an amount of time no child can wrap their mind around.
There is great relief that Daddy is somewhere safe and now at least there won't be any further messes made.
There is great anticipation for the house to sell, and soon. It has a nice wood burner... It would be a great winter house....
There is also comfort, knowing God is here and His presence is made known in many little ways throughout the day. My mother in law gave me a big hug today. For years there was pain between us, but today, she mentioned how far we had come since the beginning of our relationship. It is nothing short of miraculous. God does bring about restoration.
I was able to say with confidence today, that I am honestly not bitter about the way life has unfolded. I still grieve, but I am grateful for the closeness I have felt to God, Abba, our Provider.
I have learned a Love I never would have needed to know otherwise.
I am grateful for the path because it has carried me to an understanding of Christ, and an understanding of how i fit into His narrative.
There is also excitement!! I have received a total of $884.16 toward Tuition for seminary!! I also have a babysitter for Thursday evening all lined up and excited, AND even a back up babysitter if that one falls through. I have so many dreams for how I can use a Biblical counseling degree to speak hope into the lives of people who are stuck where I was stuck, thinking that addiction is a hopeless life-sucking death sentence for the addict and the ones who love the addict...
I already own the Celebrate Recovery books and starter kit. I would love to see a Celebrate Recovery come to this area. I have tried twice before to get one started, but obviously I needed to be farther along in my journey.  This degree will help so much with creating a healthy, balanced ministry!!!
I'm SO EXCITED.  Honestly, I have no idea how or where everything will fall together for me to return to school.  But I never expected to raise that much in one week, I have been so humbled and overwhelmed by the generosity already displayed. If you have donated or have been praying, you are in this with me and it means everything to me to have an army walking this path.
Let me tell you, it isn't easy to stay married to a question mark... It but as I keep telling the children, while Daddy is away, God is their father, God is our provider, God is big enough to carry us through this journey.
After the meeting Thursday, I will know a bit more about my other opportunities to raise funds without having to beg (hopefully!!).
There are some intense messes that Caleb has a left behind as he goes into this time in rehab. But I am grateful that those don't define me, I am grateful God has surrounded me with prayers to know that though the enemy seeks my destruction, and my family's destruction, God is offering us a hope and a future. I am grateful for the clarity of thought and strength of mind God has given me in talking to the children about these changes.
Normal will most likely never be my experience, but then again, what is normal?  I had four babies with a midwife. Her life's calling is to pack up and go when a mom is in labor, her sleep schedule has never been "normal". But she is a wonderful, Godly woman and I wouldn't have wanted anyone else praying beside my bed as my babies were coming into this world.  I guess getting used to the fact that perfect Kingdom work isn't 9-5 mon-fri has been a long journey for me.  There is no perfect schedule, no perfect way to order life so that all is done admirably. At least not when it comes to Kingdom work...
One of the people who provided financial support for me is actually a midwife, one I have yet to meet.  But she knows Caleb's family.  She emailed me and said this was "seed money" for the work that BOTH Caleb and I will be doing as God unfolds His purpose.
What a happy thought.
If you need the link to the tuition fund raiser, here it is again... Though I'm trying not to be obnoxious about it, I am so grateful for what has already been received.

http://www.youcaring.com/tuition-fundraiser/a-hope-and-a-future/245223