Dear Caleb,

Dear Caleb,
I wish you could see your worth.
I wish there was something on this entire planet that could break through the fog that holds your mind so captive.
I found these tonight.
I know I shouldn't dwell...
But I do...

 

 

It is C., she was just a little older than E. is now in these pictures.  You were laying on a ball, she wanted to also lay on a ball.  You were her everything.

E. won't get that.

I hate drugs.

I also found these.

 

 

 

From when G. was just a little older than E. is now...

You two were inseparable when you were around.  He would even hop on his little bike and ride around the house calling "bye, going to work!" You were his world.

 

And these when W. was E.'s age... he has always been so clearly your little boy.

He too clung to you, his wild, fun, exciting Daddy Boy.

 

 

If I could stop the madness and give them their Daddy boy, the world knows I would.

You know I would.

But I can't stop the madness...

"And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?" (Mark 8:36)

 

 

The world is yours, Caleb.

You have all the time to do all the work you want.

You have all the freedom to do all those things from which having your family responsibilities always held you back...

You don't have anyone to hide from, lie to, or stand up...

You get to call all the shots, worry only about you, the sky truly is the limit...

Remember our little baby C. and how she grew up fast and is all tweeny now?  But she was so teeny then!
Remember when she memorized Psalm 1?

God loves you more than I do, and He can cradle your bruised and broken body and mind, give you restoration and new life...
I know He is reaching into your life.
But when the babies ask for Daddy, my heart breaks a little more.  I didn't know that was possible.
And I know I can't give them everything they want, but I always thought I would be strong enough to give them you.
Strength, love, hope... all of these things have taken on a completely different form than I ever imagined. And shifting paradigms are often quite painful.
I will always love you, Caleb.  But I filed the papers today.
I pray you find your way to true and lasting Freedom from your chains.  I do.
But whatever your path, you've chosen to walk it alone.
You will be missed.
Sincerely,
Lindsay

 

Post by Diana Tocheff.